I'm Back!

Hello everyone! I know, it's been a while and I will explain that shortly, but I am happy to be back and share my experiences with you. This year has been a roller coster and there were a lot of downs to it. What I have come to realize is that you can make your life how you want it; it doesn't have to be miserable and complicated all the time. When I look at other peoples lives and see how happy they are, I can do the same for myself too, but it's me that has to decide that. Some people are very motivated, on the another hand there is me who is struggling and probably other people, too.

2018 has not been the best year for my family and myself. It all started back in December of 2017, when my first dog past away. She was a stunning, beautiful Golden Retriever named Trixie and she was the first ever dog my family had. She had been through a lot with us, but she always had a happy, calm life. My family decided to put her down simply because she couldn't get up anymore. She hardly ate for two days before she was put down and that was very odd because she loved food a lot. The only thing she would eat was bacon or any flavorful treat. I guess that was her saying to give her the most amazing, delicious food ever and it for sure worked. I am very grateful that we had her for that long and that she had an amazing life. Trixie will always been in my heart and she will never be forgotten, yet I sometimes I burst into tears at very random times, but that's okay. If you are going through a tough time, just let it all out; never feel ashamed of what you are feeling.

Back in April of this past year, my Grandpa past away suddenly. I felt like it was the worst timing because my mom just had a huge surgery on both of her hips: she couldn't walk properly, she was always in pain and she couldn't take care of herself. I basically had to be her nurse for a long time. When my brother told me "Far is dead", I couldn't believe it and I was in shock. Just a week ago, it hit me that Far (my Grandpa) wasn't here anymore. Since most of my family lives in Europe, such as Norway and England, it's hard to see what's going on there. I didn't even get to go to Fars funeral because I had finals that week. I was beating myself up for months because I didn't has a chance to say a final goodbye to him. I have come to realize is that I can't keep doing that to myself, I need to tell myself that he is in peace now and wherever I am, he will always be there with me. Whoever you have lost in your life, just keep in mind that person will always be around you. Think about all the fun times you had with one another and don't beat yourself up about it if you thought you didn't spend enough time with them.

Sadly, a lot of my friends have been moving away and trust me, I have been very lonely lately. Since this is my Senior year of college, a lot of my friends have been studying abroad, gotten jobs already and starting out their lives. My Best friend went to study abroad in Italy this summer and she decided not to come back because she was having the best time of her life. She is still there now and created a life for herself: She has a boyfriend, she has a apartment, she speaks the lanuage and she has adapted into the culture a lot. A lot of my other friends are planning on doing the same thing and my other best friend wants to go to Japan. After she graduates next year, she wants to get her masters in Japan. That is such a big change and it's a completely different culture, but I believe in her. She works her tail off and she is one of those people that wants to learn everything she can. I give her credit for that; I would be terrified to do such a thing because I am scared of change. I still feel like I am still 17 years old in a way, yet I feel that I need to grow up and start making a change for myself. I have always never liked changed, but who does? Change is scary, nerve racking and spikes your anxiety levels by a lot, but it can be for the better in the long run.

I am not writing all of this for you all to feel sorry for me, I am just sharing what I have been going through because I know that I am not the only one and you might relate to my experiences this past year. There are some days where I am very happy with the life I have and others, when I am going through a tough period. We are all human, we don't have perfect lives and we can't be happy all the time. Yes, I know it might be unfair, but that's the fact of life.

If any of you want to share your stories or tell anyone, you could always email me and I will try to respond as fast as I can. I just know that when I am older and look back on my life, the one thing that I would like to achieve is to help a few people on the way or more than that. I have always been told by others to be kind to one another, even if I am in the worst mood possible. Whatever words that come out of your mouth when you speak to someone, those words might stick to them forever. Just keep in mind that you are not the only one and that there are others in this world that have the same feelings as you.

To whoever that has read this blog post, I just want to say thank you because this has been very hard for me to write. I am usually a very open person, but this year has held me back a bit. At least I have told you now instead of never and it's never too late for anything, just take your time with things. Like I said before, we are all human and we are never going to be perfect. So tell yourself that you are not the only one in the world and just trust yourself. You can do anything you want, but it's you that has to decide when it is the right time. Thank you again and until next time ( hopefully within the week or next ).